Something I miss… I try to live without regrets. I try to live my life with the knowledge that there is no back button. My life, sadly, is not one of my novels. I cannot, as much as I would like to, delete and rewrite the parts that didn’t work so well. I cannot go back and fix things or change things. I try to live for the here and now, and let the past be my teacher for the future I am trying to build for me and mine. So really as much as there are things, people, and places that I miss. I know I can look back at those memories and go back to those places in some ways.
Something I miss. I think one of the things I miss the most is my health. I miss being able to go on 13 mile hikes over an afternoon and not wanting to die after the first 20 feet. I miss being able to climb mountains and rock scramble without a care in the world beyond my severe fear of heights. I miss being able to walk through the woods on a quiet summer night and listen to world come to life around me. I miss dancing at every opportunity. I miss the feel of the cool earth sinking between my toes after a long run. I miss chasing my daughter, and playing with her and not being exhausted after getting out of the car.
I miss being healthy enough and in shape enough to enjoy being active. You really have no idea what it is like to be able to do martial arts and live steal fighting, running and swimming, hiking and climbing… and then hurting yourself beyond traditional repair, and finding out that those things you took for granted are no longer within your grasp.
I miss spending the entire weekend climbing to the top of a mountain, looking out over the world as far as the eye can see, and knowing that some small part of me has conquered this mighty giant. In that very moment in time, I stood on top of the world and faced the universe with glee. I miss the feeling of sheer accomplishment, knowing that I faced my fears and pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do until that very moment.
I miss winter nights in the mountains of Colorado, standing in the freshly fallen snow as it freezes over and looks like diamonds under the stars. I miss standing on our porch with my mother and brother, as the wind blew across our rooftop and turned the starlit night into a snow glob all around us. I miss the feeling of awe and innocence and peace and oneness that we had in that moment. Nothing has ever been so pure as that moment of quiet peace was for me.
I miss so many people that I have lost over the years. I miss their laughter, their smiles, their hugs and kisses. They way their perfume or cologne smelled. I miss the little things. I miss the way someone used to braid my hair every single day. I miss the way someone and I used to sit up and talk for days about everything and nothing, and then we would go about our lives until one of us needed to talk again. I miss reading old books and poetry while we lay in bed with someone else. I’ve lost so many and I miss each of them everyday.
I miss my critters that I have had the joy of sharing my life with. Some for years and some for mere moments in time. I miss the affection they shared with me and mine. The laughter and joy they brought to our lives. Again, I miss the little things.
So when asked to name one thing I miss, I guess the answer is this: I miss the little things.
What do you miss the most my dearest reader?