My relationship status, like my life can be summed up by quoting Dorian Grey in The League of Extraordinary Gentleman… “I’m Complicated”. Yeah that sums it all up nicely in a little package of non disclosure. But I suppose that is not at all what you want to hear. I really hate talking about my personal life. It is a point of contention for me. There are aspects of my personal life that I am utterly open about and there are aspects that I would rather keep to myself or at least not post on my blog. But oh well… here goes anyway.
I am in a poly relationship. That alone is complicated. But my Primary partner has two other partners, and one of those partners has other partners as well. Now add in the fact that I was in a relationship with one of my primary partner’s partners for a while. Yeah, like I said, “Complicated”. Oh yeah and I am looking for a new partner as well. Male or female doesn’t really matter to me at this point. I want something more than what I have, but that’s the joy of being poly. We can and do have multiple loves.
So I guess in some aspects I am single. I mean I am open and willing for the possibility of something more in my life. I am open and willing to the prospect of having someone or multiple someones to share my life with. A person to go on dates with, to cuddle on the couch and watch Netflix for the weekend with, someone to share my stories and writings with, someone to go dance under the starlight and jump in puddles with, someone that can be a full time active part of my life.
I have not always been poly. But poly is what seems to work for me. Of course there is a lot of work that goes into a poly relationship. More so than a regular mono relationship. There is a ton of communication that has to happen. And it has to happen on a regular basis. Everybody has to be on the same page as everyone else. And everybody has to be open and honest with everyone else in the relationship. If one aspect of a poly group is not communicating everything can crumble and crash and burn in a heartbeat. I’ve left people in poly situations due to lack of communication.
Now back to the beginning of this tangent. I do have someone in my life that I see about once a week or so. We used to be very, ummm, “active” if you will. But they have other people in their lives and I am not their top priority. And I am okay with that. He is my daughter’s Godfather. He treats my daughter like the most precious gem in the world and she adores him. They actually spend more time together than I do with him. He is a good guy. I love him to pieces, I really do. But I guess I’m greedy because I want more than someone who comes over once a week or so, has dinner with us, and then goes home to his primary partner.
Okay now with all that said. They are some very special people in my life who I enjoy spending time with and enjoy doing things with. I even find some of them very attractive. I love most of them like family. But I am not in love with them and I do not want more than what I already have with them. Some of these people are like my brothers and sisters, others are great friends and mentors, and others still are like my adopted kids that I watch over. I love all of them in their own way. And yet, I still want more.
I was in love, hard core, head over heels, dreaming of gowns and wedding bells…Once. A few years ago. I thought I had it all. I thought I had found the one and that I was actually going to settle down for one person for ever. That turned out to be a lie. It was all made up by a very sick person who used my emotions against me and used me for their own needs. It hurt like hell and I still haven’t recovered to be honest. Maybe I will tell you that story sometime in the future, maybe…
Anyway. There is a glimpse into my complicated life. I’m sure you have sooo many questions now. Leave them in the commentary and I promise to answer them to the fullest of my ability…