Well I know this is day four and I am a day behind. But I am trying to stick to my guns and actually do this challenge. I’ve got to be honest, these last few days have been hell on earth, but I am still writing. Go Me! *smirks*
So yesterday’s post was supposed to be “Your first kiss/first love and if they were different people discuss both”. This is going to be a very long post. Just a heads up. My first kiss(s) and my first love(s) are a long tale to tell. But I will do my best not to bore you to death with my retelling of my past.
My first kiss, if you can call it that, was by my childhood friend. We were damn near family as my mother’s “adopted” mother was his Grandmother and I called her Grandma as well.
A bunch of us “in between” aged kids decided to play cops and robbers in the backyard during a big family gathering. I was the bad guy. (I know, no surprise there, right?) I was eventually caught and actually tied up in the work shed to be interrogated. They even did mug shots of me from the front and the side. I got to hold a card board sign that said, “Guilty” on it.
Anyway my friends tied me to a rusty chair in the work shed and went out to discuss what they were going to do with their prisoner. My friend snuck in, untied my ropes, and kissed me with a quick and nervous brush of his lips against mine. Then he punched me in the arm and told me to escape before they came back to execute me. I snuck out the side door of the shed and hid on top of the monkey bars until everyone was forced to give in to the fact that I had escaped and would not be caught again. That kiss was so unexpected and so confusing. The next time I saw him he told me girls were gross and we couldn’t be friends any more because I had contagious cooties. *sigh* The folly of youth.
Now. My first kiss with intention on my part was a whole other thing all together. *smiles* I was in 7th grade and I had become a woman far ahead of all my class mates. I was the girl in 7th grade that had to wear a real bra and had a universal pass to the bathroom for a week every month. I also shaved my legs and had curves in places none of the other girls had. At the time I hated it. Now I look back and laugh at myself.
But one thing was for certain, boys were on the menu for me. Not the boys I went to school with, that would never do, although there was one that I might have made an exception for. No, there was an older boy in our neighborhood. Just a couple doors down. His younger sister and I were good friends and his mother and my mother were really close as well. I was in awe of my friend’s brother. He was older by a couple of years, listened to music that sounded so much cooler than the crap my friends listened to, and it didn’t hurt that he was really good looking.
I was spending the night with my friend, but she got tired and crashed out way early leaving me to my own devices for entertainment. I was wandering down the hall to raid the fridge when her brother saw me and asked me if I wanted to watch TV in his room with him. I didn’t even think about it, I just wandered in and plopped down on the bean bag next to him. We were just sitting there side by side eating gummi worms and watching some vampire movie on the TV. Then his warm hand settled on my bare upper thigh. I was wearing a pajama top and short shorts as I had been planning on going to my friend’s room to sleep eventually. My mind was reeling. I had no idea what to do or if I should do anything at all.
Well he took care of that for me. He put a gummi worm in his teeth and asked me if I wanted a bite. I grinned like an idiot and leaned in for the offered bite, but found hot lips instead. One minute my lips were brushing his and I was pulling back and the next i felt his tongue flick askance at my lips. I opened to him and we kissed for a good few minutes. I pulled back breathless and smiling. “I want to do that again.” I pressed my lips to his and this time it was me doing the tongue teasing. He told me later that for my first kiss it wasn’t bad at all. But, I learned my lessons and got better. *grins*
As to love…
I would be more than happy to make up some romantic tale of my first love. Of how they whisked me off my feet and made the universe spin just for me. But that would be a lie, and a sad one at that.
In my almost 32 years of life I have had the joy, honor, pleasure, heartache, and pain of having many loves. Some were for the barest shared moment or intimacy. Others were for years at a time. I have been in love quite a few times. I have loved men and women and everyone in between. I have loved with all my heart and soul, the essence of my very being. Many a time I thought I was in love only to be hurt in ways that true love could not, would not do. I have been in monogamous and poly relationships alike. I have been in every role of a BDSM relationship. But I never truly fell in love. I loved the people I worked and played with. I loved my partners. I still love most of them. But my first true love, was not until almost 9 years ago.
I can tell you to the minute when I fell in love so hard I knew there was no coming back. It was the wee hours of the morning around 1:19 AM in Tulsa, OK. I was handed the most incredible gift anyone or anything could have given me. I was handed my newly born baby daughter.
I thought I knew what it meant to love. I loved her the moment I knew I was pregnant with her. I thought nothing could compare to the love I felt when she moved within me that first time. I thought there was no greater love in the world as I struggled through contractions and begged any deity that would listen, to just let it all be over and let me have my baby safe in my arms. Gods, how wrong I was. When I held her for the first time, when I looked into those amazing eyes and cried tears so full of joy… I fell in love for real, for the first time.
Every time I look into those eyes I fall even harder. I love her more and more each and every moment of each and every day. She is my “Squish”, my “Daemon”, MINE… and yet she is utterly her own person in every way. When she wakes in the middle of the night and crawls to me and snuggles against me my heart fractures and more love pours out of me. Watching her grow up has been the most exquisite torture and I would die a thousand deaths to do it all over again. I would sacrifice everything just to see her smile. She is my bridge between sun and moon. She is my everything. True love indeed…