So here is day two of the writing challenge. I am trying so hard to think of my earliest memory. I have so many gaps in my memory and so few memories of when I was young. I remember little things, oddities of a sort, but never the full picture. Even now as I grow older I have huge gaps in my memory and have to rely on others to help fill in the gaps. I have book after book of pictures, and even more files on my computer, yet nothing really tells me the full story. So I will write one of my earliest memories to the best of my ability. It may not be the “earliest” but it will be close. I hope you enjoy.
When I was very little around 3 or 4 years old my mother and I lived in a small one room cottage on a hill above a chicken ranch. It was around San Diego, CA. I want to say San Marcos. But in truth I don’t recall for sure. I could not tell you what the cottage looked like on the outside. I could not tell you the color of the walls or the things we did for fun. I can tell you that my mother was pregnant with my little brother and I wanted to name the baby Butterfly. It didn’t matter to my three year old mind whether the baby was male or female. Butterfly seemed the perfect answer. Thankfully my mother didn’t agree and chose a more fitting name. I remember a patchwork quilt that laid across our bed, I remember a rolling hill that was unsafe to play on, and a big tree that I could climb. I remember the sounds and smells that came from the chicken farm far below us, and how I was never to go down that way.
But my most distinct earliest memory is my mother bleeding. She was pregnant with my new baby brother and she started bleeding. Not spotting or a little red discharge. But actually bleeding. I remember being scared and confused but trying to be a big girl and take care of my mommy. I know she went to the doctor and they could find no heartbeat, there was no life within her womb. We thought for sure she had lost the baby and it was a hard thing. My mother had debated on putting that baby up for adoption, but she ended up wanting to keep him. Then she lost that heartbeat and all our dreams left us for a a good while.
The strangest thing happened. My mother stopped bleeding. And she could feel movement within again. She went to the doctor and they found a strong healthy heartbeat. No explanation. Just voila, you are in fact pregnant and the fetus is healthy. After that day my mother sat me down and told me what I would have to do if she ever started bleeding again. I was so young, but I knew I had to be strong for her and for the baby. I learned a lot about human anatomy and the ways of life. I learned to grow up so fast in those early years. I had to.
My brother was born on a cold winter night in the beginning of January. I wasn’t allowed to be there when he was born. I wasn’t allowed to be at the hospital. I don’t remember my mother and brother coming home. I remember being told his name and that my mom had done well. But my earliest memories of my brother are a squalling fleshy bundle that was always hungry and always took everyone’s attention from me. I grew up faster after my brother was born. I was expected to be a big girl and take care of the baby and take care of myself and stay out of the way unless I was needed.
It’s been 28 years since my brother was born. I love him as only a sister could. We have a bizarre and unique relationship. He is my “Bug” or “Baby Bug”. I still braid and style is long ringlets when he allows it. We still cuddle in puppy piles and annoy the piss out of each other. But he is my brother and I could not imagine my life without him in it. We are each other’s confidants, co-conspirators, best friend, and on occasion we are each other’s greatest nemesis. He is the Ice to my Fyre. We are two sides of the same coin. We always have been.
I honestly believe my brother was meant to be in more ways than one. But that is a different blog post for a much different day…
What are you earliest memories?
I hop you enjoyed reading a little bit about me. Please feel free to leave comments and feed back… Until tomorrow and day 3 of the challenge.