30 Day Writing Challenge Day 19 (5 Fears That You Have)

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 19 (5 Fears That You Have)

Goody. Time for another personal psychological evaluation. What fun. I will cover 5 fears that I have. They may not be my biggest, deepest, darkest fears. But they will all be legit. So here goes.

Fear Number One: Being permanently disabled beyond the help of medical treatment. Being stuck not being able to care for myself or my family for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me. The thought of not being able to be an active part of my daughters’s and granddaughter’s lives terrifies me. Never having the physical freedom to go rock climbing, backpacking, camping, swimming, running, etc… To be stuck without freedom because my body simply can’t take any more damage and it simply can’t heal any more. I love my freedom and I am not sure my mind would survive without it.

Fear Number Two: Not being enough for my youngest daughter. Not being good enough, healthy enough, functional enough, smart enough, brave enough, simply not enough for all her needs. I fear I will not be able to give her the tools she needs to survive this scary new world we have created for our children. I fear I will not be enough and not be able to give her enough to go out into the world and make a life for herself. I fear I will fail her when she needs me the most. I fear that when everything is said and done, she will look back at the life I struggled to give her and simply won’t be enough.

Fear Number Three: My rights as a citizen will be taken from me and my fellow country men when this next election is over. I have a fear that my religious freedoms, my right of free speech, my right to bear arms, along with so many other freedoms will be ripped away from me by the government that has been allowed to be in office. I do not want to be burned at the stake because I worship more than one deity or simply because I was baptized in the wrong  church. I don’t want my home raided because I enjoy going to the shooting range with my friends and family. I don’t want to be thrown in jail and lose custody of my child because someone was offended by something I said in passing or a book I published. I don’t want my daughter growing up in a world where the word “Freedom” is a foreign concept. It is bad enough that schools are teaching our young children that “Freedom has consequences and isn’t always a good thing…” I kid you not, I was quoting my daughter’s social studies book right there.

Fear Number Four: I will never feel safe enough to allow myself to fall in love again. I love many people. But I am not in love with a single one of them. I love my children, my mother and brother, my mother’s husband, my nephews and their mother, I love my uncle and Aunt…. I love my family with and without genetic connections. I love many of my friends. But I am not in love with anyone. I was in love, so deeply that it carved a piece of my heart and soul out and never healed. I loved so completely that I allowed myself to be happy in that love. I allowed myself to trust and share my deepest, darkest pieces of myself. I gave my everything, my entire being to that love. I allowed myself to have hopes and dreams that I had never even known were in my heart until I fell in love. But that love ruined me for all others. It was not real, it was not true, it was just a game but one of the best in the game. That wound still aches and bleeds. I fear I will never heal, never learn to love like that again. I fear I will never be able to allow myself that depth of emotion with another being of any kind ever again. I hope my fears are wrong. But I just don’t know.

Fear Number Five: I will never get published internationally with a big name publisher. I love writing. Writing is my freaking life. I write when I’m stressed. I write when I’m happy. I write to get release. I write for pleasure and I write for pain. Writing is my escape to and from everything. I have this notion that I am a decent writer. I can tell a great tale, my characters are wonderfully ingenious creations of my muse, I have a good sense of what’s what in my books, etc. But I fear that I will never make it in the bog leagues. I fear I will never be on the top sellers list of anyone. I fear that agents will read my work and think it drivel. I fear the upper high end publishers will frown at my work and think it too much or not enough for their brand. And let me tell you, I want nothing more than to be an internationally renowned author. I want my characters to live forever in the archives of history. I want my name and the names of my books to be a common place thing. But I fear that I am simply not good enough to cut it…

Alright my dear reader I’ve opened up and laid my soul open for you to dissect. Tell me, what do you fear the most?

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 18 (Your Favorite Color and Why)

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 18 (Your Favorite Color and Why)

(Sorry for the day late thing again. Unfortunately life seems to get in the way and I am just running low on time and energy as of late. Not nearly enough spoons to get me through the day. I am fighting to get back on track. Please give me a little forgivance.)

My favorite color and why… Just once I would love one of these to have a simple answer. But I should know better than to ask for anything in my life to be simple. I do not have a single favorite color I have a few personal favorites that hold true. Each one has meaning to me and is a part of my personal repertoire of uniqueness.

Let’s see if I can put into words why these colors and what they mean to me.

  • Blood Red: The deeper and darker the better. Heart’s blood red. The red at the center of our very being. It is life and it is death. It represents the constant beating heart of each of us and the very heart of the earth mother as well. We come into life with blood and too many of us end our lives as we lose that very sweet essence.
  • Black: It goes with everything…. Okay seriously, before anything there was the blackness of nothing. Before we come into the world our world is dark and sightless. Without light there is the primordial dark. Blacker than black, darker than dark. Black too is a the beginning and the end. The start and finish.
  • Midnight Blue: The darkest blue of the midnight skies. The deepest blue of the deepest oceans where light barely caresses the depths. The edge of everything. Where day ends as well as night. The deep blue that draws you in and holds you captive in a trance, while we seek the light within.
  • Hunter/Forest Green: The dark green at the heart of the deep forest. The green of the oldest trees in the rain forest. The green that is so lush and full that with soft foot steps one can simply melt into the woods and ne’er be seen again. It too is a primordial color. It is the heart of all the wild and free.
  • Silver: To me, silver is a representative of the moon and her constant pull. The moon holds sway over the very oceans and men alike. Her ever changing face smiles upon us constantly and has heard our prayers long before we knew we were praying. She guides us and temps us. She watches over us in her own way. Silver is her color and her light.

I hope I didn’t get too philosophical and wordy there. I guess I could have just said I like this color because it makes me feel shiny… LOL. What color is your favorite? What color speaks to you?

Author Interview: Diana Quirk

Meeting With The Muse

(Kelly was written by Kelly Blanchard. Diana was written by Diana Quirk.)

The day was slow for Kelly at her Muse Shop. Not a lot of customers came by, so she got a lot of cleaning and organizing done, and she even baked some cookies. Now she sat at the front counter going through her Muse’s Ledger where many of her ideas spent their infancy before jumping onto pages of others books and taking on a life of their own.

The door chimed, and Kelly looked up, setting down the Ledger, and greeted her customer with a smile. “Diana Quirk? It’s great to meet you!” She rose to her feet and stepped around the counter to properly greet her. “Welcome to my Muse Shop!” Kelly gestured to their surroundings. “How are you doing today? I hope you are well.”

Dressed in all black, Diana made sure to close the door…

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30 Day Writing Challenge Day 17 (A Quote You Live By)

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 17 (A Quote You Live By)

(So of course I’m now two days late on this post. I was supposed to do it Monday night, but I had a very rough day and simply ran out of spoons (and back up spoons too). Tonight, Tuesday night/Wednesday “morning”, my computer decided once again that it wasn’t going to work they way mankind intended. I just got done with one of my favorite Midnight Tech Support team memebers, AKA my younger brother, and we finally have all the current issues resolved. So, it may be a bit late but here is Monday night’s post.)

A quote that I live my life by. Well to be honest I don’t have one. I knew this subject was coming up. I wracked my brains for a couple of days trying to come up with the answer. The bottom line is this; There are quotes that I cherish and love, and greatly appreciate, and even whole heartedly agree with. But there isn’t one that I use as a moral compass. I’m a sociopath. I have my own code of conduct and ethics that allows me to function in everyday society. And really, I’m okay with that. But given the choice of a quote to live by, I almost refuse to choose one or any.

I will give you two quotes that hold meaning for me in some way. And I will hope that that satisfies your curiosity on the subject.

“Life is an adventure or nothing at all.” ~ Helen Keller

I agree with Helen on this point. Life really is an adventure. Whether you are sitting on your backside twiddling your thumbs or out sky diving if you are not enjoying life to the fullest in that moment you are doing something wrong. If your life is not a great adventure, a journey, a quest for some thing…Then why bother existing. It doesn’t have to be sky diving, rock climbing, and deep sea diving to be an adventure. The little things in life are great adventures too. Sitting outside on a clear night and star gazing is a great adventure, alone or with company. Watching a storm roll in over the plains from the top of the mountain above is a great adventure, lesson, journey, and quest all in one. On the same note, some days, just getting out of bed, getting dressed, and doing the best you can for you and yours is really the greatest journey for us in that moment. But if you are not enjoying life and the adventure that you are on… change your course, choose a new path, ride a new river or dive a new ocean. Make the change that allows the adventure to continue and be more worthwhile. Simply put, if it is not an adventure… it is nothing worth while.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”~ Vivian Greene

This one holds true for me in some very literal ways. In the spring and summer, and even in the fall if it’s warm enough, when there is a good storm pouring in on us, my daughter and I go out and dance in the pouring rain! We love it. We dance and splash and goof off. It feels good, wild, free, peaceful, and goofy all at the same time.

But in other ways it holds true for me as well. If we wallow in the here and now and we refuse to look forward to the things that we will be coming into then we are forced to constantly live in the past. I one sits idly by and does nothing whilst chaos rains havoc all around them, with the mind set that once the dust settles, they will be able to on… You are blinded by foolishness and lack of motivation. But, if you can see the chaos and the havoc and you stand up and say, ” Not today… I want to ensure that there will be a tomorrow and it will be a better tomorrow.” Then you have learned to dance in the rain and mock the gods who dare rain down on your existence.

This also holds true for when we are struggling from one minute to the next, from one simple step to another. We feel like Atlas as we hold the weight of the world on our shoulders, or Sisyphus spending an eternity pushing a boulder up the mountain only to have it slide back down on us time and again. We must not wait for the storm of our own hell to pass, we must learn to dance in the rain when and where we can and acknowledge that no storm lasts forever. I know it is not easy and I know it sucks. I struggle with it too. But Just know that your storm will pass too, and in the mean time dance when you can and show the universe that you will not break no matter what is given to you.

 

I hope I answered your curiosity my dear readers… It is late and I still have much to do. What words do you choose to live by?

PS Thank you Isa for the Tech Support and suggestions

 

 

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 16 (Bullet Your Entire Day)

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 16 (Bullet Your Entire Day)

Sunday April 24th, 2016… My day in a bulletted list. This should either be really amusing or boring as hell for all of you reading this.

  • 5:00 AM: Still awake and working on the bloody PC to get everything up and running so that I can actually work on my upcoming novel in the semi-privacy of my bedroom/office
  • 10:00 AM: Roommate cooks french toast for kids that spent the night, roommate also decides this is an excellent time to vacuum and clean the lower part of the apartment.
  • 10:30 AM: I put on my herb scented sleep mask, turn up my music and finally pass out for a couple hours or so… I hope.
  • 12:45 PM: Best friend texts me after leaving church, wanting to know if I want company for a bit. I say yes, and then realize that this means getting out of bed.
  • 1:00 PM: I drag my aching body out of my very comfy bed and away from my fluffy pillows.
  • 1:15 PM: I sit naked on my half ass made bed while putting away laundry and trying to figure out clothing needs for the next couple of days. Also contemplating what in the name of Hades I am going to put on that is comfortable, clean, and doesn’t irritate my broken ankle, my messed up knees, or flash any obscene body parts if I am less than graceful today.
  • 1:45: I do my morning torture session. After pulling on clothing for the day I prepare myself for 15 to 20 minutes of hell whilst I strap myself into my leg braces and my walking boot for my broken ankle.
  • 2:00 PM: While I’m in the restroom, Best Friend shows up and we go about talking about randomness for a good bit. Oh and I get a late LOOT CRATE! (I HAS NEW DEADPOOL GEAR!!!!)
  • 3:30 PM: I gimp down the 16 stairs of hell to get downstairs in my apartment, I gather up everything I am going to need for the next three days, grab my child and all her gear for the next three days, we stumble outside, and load into Best Friend’s vehicle to head to my mother’s on other side of town.
  • 4:00 PM: We arrive at my mother’s house, (forgot milk damn it all), send child with gear to the house to wait while we dash to the nearest gas station to grab very expensive milk, return to mother’s house.
  • 4:10 PM: Gather at the table of God’s (AKA mom’s)  Kitchen, chat for a good bit and get ready to head out with Best Friend to go to show downtown.
  • 5:15 PM: Best Friend and I head downtown to Shadowbox Live Theater to see Front Street Funk!
  • 5:45 PM: Arrive at Shadowbox and pay for parking, get checked in, and await for our seat number to be called.
  • 6:10 PM: Get seated by lovely volunteer, look over Special menu for tonight’s show, read through billet to see who is who in show, await server.
  • 6:20 PM: Guillermo, our server, comes by and chats us a bit, we order BBQ Chicken Nachos (they are freaking epic!), a big pitcher of water and a couple of sodas.
  • 6:25 PM: Older couple gets sat at our table and throws a fit, demands to be resat at a floor seat (their loss… I love that corner. Best view of the stage!)
  • 6:30 PM: We get more company at our table, and they are more than happy to be there, one of them was a “Virgin”. Drinks arrive and conversation ensues.
  • 6:40 PM: Nachos Arrive! Thanks be to the gods of food and drink! We dig in and devour the entire platter.
  • 7:00 PM on the dot the show starts up with a Funk classic, Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag!
  • 7:14 PM: I have a sudden need to dash to the restroom. (let me try to put something in perspective for you; I have leg braces that go from very upper thigh to lower calf, I am also wearing a walking boot on my broken ankle. Quick movement, no matter how badly I would like it, does not happen, in any form…)
  • 7:20 PM: I slam the bathroom stall door shut, I fight like hell to get my pants off my very large backside and get on the commode before disaster strikes. Just as I am about to descend my body betrays me…
  • 7:22 PM: You ever shake up a soda can… and then drop kick against a cement wall… in a small space…? That’s all I’m going to say. The visuals are up to you.
  • 7:50 PM: I rejoin my Best Friend and enjoy the rest of the show with great delight.
  • 9:00 PM With a standing ovation, we applaud the great show and we beg for just a little bit more.
  • 10:00 PM ish: We get back to god’s place, we sit about chatting for a good bit. Best Friend leaves in the midst of me catching up with God, Isa, and Fae.
  • 10:45 PM: I take a MUCH needed shower. Thanks be to the muse who assisted with the creation of HOT running high pressure water, and Water Pik shower heads.
  • 11:10: I’m dressed, set up laptop, start working on tonight’s blog, because, well, I haven’t done it yet. Go figure. LOL.
  • 12:11 AM: Wrapping up blog and saying good night until tomorrow!

I hope you enjoyed my day better than I did. *DIES* Have a blessed evening!

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 15 (Three Pet Peeves)

30 Day Writing Challenge Day 15 (Three Pet Peeves)

Yay! I get to be all bitchy tonight! Three pet peeves of mine. Only three? *pouts* Okay.

Pet Peeve Number One: Body Shaming. Body shaming is a horrible and ridiculously evil thing. At any age, at any size, for any reason… It is freaking ridiculous. Whether you are making fun of someone else or yourself. Even if you are teasing a friend about their size, shape, etc…it is not acceptable. People have enough hell to go through with modern advertising tell all of us that we are simply not good enough and never will be. We don’t need to be looking in the mirror and hearing our friends and family members voices, on top of those of strangers telling us that this part or that part or worse our entire bodies are not good enough. On the same note being compared to someone is just as bad. You are still picking apart a human being. You have no idea how harsh and cruel simple words can be. Please don’t tell your son or daughter s/he is too thin,skinny, lacking, etc… and should “Put some meat on those bones.” And please don’t tell  your son/daughter that s/he is too chunky, curvy, FAT, etc… and, “S/he could get out more and get some weight off.” Just once look at your children (at any age) and realize that they are utterly beautiful just as they are. Tell them everyday how much you love them for who they are, just the way they are. Never let them question their inner or outer beauty. Size, like so many other things is just a number.

Pet Peeve Number Two: People having children and not caring for them or about them…      I am so utterly tired of people who go out of their way to have children and then spend the next 18 years pawning their child off on everybody while they go off and play. I get unplanned pregnancies, and I’m not sniping about that. I’m sniping about people that go out there way to have a child, to bring another human being into the world and then ignore that human being as much as possible. These people have children, send them away to boarding schools, and while their children are being raised by a damn near military institution, the adults go off for months at a time all over the world and forget they have a child. Now if you are a single parent, working two jobs, going to school full time, and still trying to make time for your kid… YOU FUCKING ROCK! And power to you 10 fold! If you are a teenage parent still pushing yourself and making a way for you and your kid(s), I am proud of you for trying, NEVER STOP FIGHTING! But if you are having children for the sake of continuing your family line ( or something just as silly) and you can’t take the time to be a parent… You fucking piss me off!

Pet Peeve Number Three: Idiots who can not drive in anything beyond perfect weather! Okay people. I don’t care what part of the bloody country you live in, here in the grand US of A, we all drive on the wrong, I mean Right, side of the road. No matter where you live it has to rain at some bloody point. It might even snow. But I guarantee that sometime whilst driving you will encounter moisture falling from the sky in some form. So please, please, please… do the freaking human race a favor and learn to drive when this is happening or stay of the gods forsaken road. Some of us have places we would like to get to eventually. Preferably doing at least the speed limit if not a few miles over. So if you truly can’t handle the moisture falling from the sky while you are operating a vehicle on a public road, STAY HOME! On the same note if you are the psycho that feels they need to slam peddle to metal and fly through the wet stuff at the speed of light just to avoid it… You too are an IDIOT!

Okay, rant over. Thank you for letting me snipe a bit… What peeves you the most my dear readers?

 

3o Day Writing Challenge Day 14 (Your Life In 7 Years)

3o Day Writing Challenge Day 14 (Your Life In 7 Years)

My life in 7 years. Okay. Well I have no clue so I am going to make this up as I go along.

This is where I want to be in seven years… (of course that plan may change drastically by that time.)

I am living in a large single level house with 5 or 6 bedrooms, at least 3 full bathrooms, a huge finished basement that I can use to entertain, in the mountains of Colorado or the high desert of Arizona, sitting on at least 50-100 acres of forest and hills. I have all sorts of critters; chickens, ducks, geese, four or five horses, a few head of cattle (like maybe 10 or 15), a big pond for the ducks and geese where I keep prize winning koi for my own amusement, maybe a couple turtles, and of course a zillion frogs to sing to me on summer nights. I have a pack of big dogs that run free on the property and slept at the foot of my orgy sized bed every night. On the property I have a huge clearing with a giant fire pit and big stumps to sit on so that when the weather is clear I can have my pack and friends all sit around the fire drinking pints of homemade honeyed ale and enjoying each other’s company. On the highest point of the property is another clearing that is ringed with unique stones, shiny shells, and crystals. It’s my altar and fairy mound. I go there at New Moon to renew myself and I go there at the Full Moon to celebrate as well, not to mention doing ceremony on High Days there as well.

In my room I have a custom designed bed that is big enough for 8-10 large bodies to all cuddle in a big puppy pile. It is covered in blood red silk sheets and a black velvet coverlet. The walls are covered in paintings from Luis Royo and Dorian Cleavenger. The ceiling is done is tiny glow in the dark star constellation patterns. I have a master bath with a giant jetted tub that is deep enough to swim in and easily cuddle in the warm water with 4 or 5 people with space to spare. There is a separate shower that has 360 water jets from floor to shoulders, all adjustable, and it can also hold a couple extra bodies comfortably. The shower has a drop down seat on three of the walls so you can sit and just enjoy the water beat around your body.

The other rooms are large and spacious. Each done in some version of elegant Gothic or Victorian decor, and each with it’s own color theme. Except for my daughter’s room. Her room is a total unknown to me. She is her own creature and I give her creative license to do with her room as she wishes.

(I’d go more into the home that I will have in 7 years but that is just a piece of the tale being told and I want to tell you about other aspects.)

In seven years I have been taken on by a major international publisher. I have published 9 books all in the Krystianna Aramis Series as well as another 2 or 3 in a separate horror series. I am on the New York Times Best Sellers list and have been for the past 5 years. My books are renowned for their unique approach to the supernatural world and it’s workings. I am good friends with all of my literary heroes (at least in my genre) and we get together and bemoan the pains of the literary world at least once a year at a summer get away in Hawaii that we all use as we see fit.

I am finally healthy and in shape, and have been for at least 4 years. I don’t hurt like I have most of my life. My knees still creak and my joints don’t always work (not that they ever have), but I go mountain climbing, back packing, hiking, and camping on a regular basis. I am on a balanced diet that feeds my protein deficiency, meets my diabetic needs, and allows me to go off of my insulin. I wake up late in the day, do yoga with my daughter, and then we go walking about the property taking care of the critters and visiting with nature to start my day.

I sit down at my custom designed computer with my huge flat screen monitors. I turn on my latest playlist and blast it through out the entire house thanks to our fully installed surround sound speakers in each and every room. I have Chromecast or the like in every room and can cast my music through each system. I write a new chapter, sometimes two everyday. I don’t always like what I write but I leave it be until I am done with that book. I never edit until the end. I am confidant in my skill and my workmanship, I refuse to let myself tweak and edit until I feel the manuscript is ready for such attentions. When I finally do get down to edits, I let my characters work through me and tweak what they see fit. My editing team and my publisher rarely find errors or flaws and are more than happy to work around my unique need for lacking sunlight.

I travel to random destinations at least once a year. I take my daughter and sometimes my mother and her husband as we travel the world. Sometimes to escape, sometimes for research, and sometimes for a little bit of both. My brother and I take turns visiting each other every 6 months or so. Our next destination is Cairo and the Nile Region. I hope to spend a couple weeks drooling over ancient artifacts and long ago created sanctuaries, temples, and tombs.

I am not filthy rich, in a monetary sense, but I am rich in happiness and life. I have the people I love in my life and I have the people that I want around in my life. I am not married. I am happy to be poly and open. I have lovers and play partners, I have a couple primaries that I love to pieces, but they all love me enough to know that I may never “settle down”. I am content in my life and secure in my place in the world. I am truly happy in ways that I could never have guessed at or even imagined.

My mother and her husband come to my mountain to escape and I have a cabin made just for them if they want their own space. My brother is happily published and living out his dreams in Wales. My foster daughter is married and has had another kiddo. My grandkids come out from their home in Missouri to spend the summers horseback riding and driving out to the coast to go surfing for a couple weeks. My daughter is 16, still home-schooled, flying through classes faster than we can find material for her to study. She is already attending a high end art school to fine tune her artistic abilities and is itching to do her first tattoo. She still wants to be the youngest and best tattoo artist in the country.

Life. Is. Good….

Well dear reader, I pray I answered your question with enough detail. It’s only a dream at this point… But dreams really do come true you know. Where are you going to be in 7 years?