If I could go back…

If I could go back…

People are always saying, “If I could go back and redo that thing…” The one that has been going around lately has been “If I could go back and talk to my younger/teenage self I’d say such and such.”

Well I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I have realized that even with all the outrageous mistakes I have made in my 31 years, I wouldn’t go back and change anything. Yeah I know, I’m insane (legally in fact, but that’s a whole other post), but really I have tried to live my life to have no regrets. I have fought long and hard to learn from my mistakes and to make better ones.

At this point in my life I am not content but I have so very much to be grateful for. I have an awesome kiddo AKA my Daemon Squishy, I have an awesome adopted daughter who also has a daughter now, I have a roof over my head, I have clothes to wear and food to eat, I am blessed with amazing friends and epic family, I am a published author and I have so much more going for me than I can even put into writing….I AM BLESSED! But I’m getting off track. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self I wouldn’t change her, but I would impart some very hard earned wisdom. So here is what I would tell that 14 year old young woman:


  1. Everybody makes mistakes and no one is perfect and you have to accept that. Especially when it comes to the people you love the most. Forgive them their flaws and embrace your own.
  2. Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions. Emotions are a good and healthy thing. Also don’t be afraid to express your emotions in a healthy manner. Locking everything up tight is only going to hurt you in the long run
  3. Don’t be afraid to fall in love. I know it’s scary, but it’s worth it no matter the end result.
  4. You are fucking beautiful and strong and intelligent. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone but you. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
  5. You are made of stars and wonder. You have the foundations of mountains and the power of the seas. Let nothing stand in your way. Let nothing keep you from your dreams.
  6. Chase your dreams. No matter where they lead you. You will be a happier and more functional person in the long run.
  7. Embrace your unique brand of crazy. Not only is it okay, but it rocks and you will build an incredible clan of amazing people who love the you that you have chosen to be.
  8. Wander the hidden paths, hike the mountains, chase the rivers, surf the seas, gaze at the stars and embrace the universe in all its glory.
  9. Never ever stop dancing, singing, drumming, drawing, writing, or fighting. They make you so happy and they will continue to do so for the rest of your life.
  10. Take everything you hear and learn with a grain of salt. Do your own research and don’t take anything for granted.
  11. Take care of the amazing machine that is your body. You are going to need it for the rest of your life. That doesn’t mean don’t have fun, it just means try not to break yourself too hard.Mentally. physically, or emotionally.
  12. I know you are going through hell right now. I know everything is falling apart and nothing makes sense. I know the daemons in your head make everything harder. But you are not alone. You never are. You are wanted, needed, loved, and cared for. It will be okay. Try to love yourself too, I know it’s hard but try.
  13. Fight authority, argue a point if it bugs you, argue everything if you must, disagree with grace and poise but disagree none the less, defy every limit laid upon you.
  14. And last but not least… I know you hate her right now and you think that she hates you. But… Mom is fighting her own battles that you can’t even begin to imagine. She loves you and your baby brother so very much and she is trying so very hard to do right by you guys. Give her some credit and give her a break. We aren’t the easiest creature to contend with.

I don’t know about you, but I could have used every single one of those when I was younger. I don’t know if I would have listened to the advice or if I would have done my own thing anyway… But there it is. What would you say to your younger self, I wonder?


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